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Posted by / 13-Aug-2017 06:11

Asperger dating site

They’ll want to open us up a bit more but may not have the knowledge or the patience to help us to do so.

As Aspies, we see each other’s colleagues and friends around us all day, flirting with each other, enjoying each other’s company, having a laugh, creating chemistry between each other. So, how can parents and siblings and friends help here? You may not think that the Aspie is ready to start dating as yet but, in all honesty, who ever is?

And to do that, it’s worth spending a bit of time actually working out what you want from a partner. You can hear stories of both success and failure from which you can draw something and learn. Maybe here and now is a good place to stop and consider what some of the common mistakes that an Aspie can make on a date are. You can build on your weaker areas by watching how other people do them. Comments have been made to me like What you need, as an Aspie Support Person, is to offer both advice and balance.

Think then about how much you enjoy talking about your interests and then (this bit is really important) think about when to cut off the talking and ask your potential other half or date some questions about themselves, just purely to show you are interested. Get out there, find out who else is interested in the kind of things you are interested in. One of our mistakes as Aspies, is that we don’t have (at least at the start) an off switch while we are talking to people. Most importantly of all, they will have feelings of their own. You look around and everyone else seems to be doing so much better than you. If you can, without making it too obvious, try mirroring other people slightly, seeing how other people relate to them, what works (and – more importantly – does work) for them. If you look like you’re having fun, relaxing and enjoying yourself then this will come across to your date and should, hopefully, rub off on them. As I have said before within this website, it is far too easy, when giving advice to an Aspie, to fall into the trap of making it all a list of Don’ts.

Robert has felt moved to write about Asperger’s – both his own experience with it and also the help that is available out there to others – now, because there are more people both being born with it and also being diagnosed with it retrospectively, in later life.

One of the first bits of advice I got when researching dating for Aspies was, just be you.

It took me aback and it took me quite a while to work out why that was.

They do that by reading signals and trading sparks off each other, sharing interests, sharing looks and comments and stories and, eventually, life experiences. At the very start of this journey, I was scared of being laughed at. One of the answers I got from my mother when I asked about dating and girls when I was a teenager was .

This is a skill we have to learn by rote, whilst others pick it up naturally. Smile, say hello and ask how they’re doing, how’s it going, something like that. The conversation may stutter at first, but persevere and you’ll get there in the end. I was scared to admit to myself that I thought I’d failed. What I didn’t realise was that this was something I could build upon. Don’t fall back into the comfortable trap of routine and rigmarole, no matter however tempting it may seem. One of the things you will slowly learn from this is how much you can trust others and who your true friends are, both inside the family and out. That may have been well-intentioned but, I think, also, viewed from almost twenty years on, it strikes me as being fobbed off, as she was not sure herself how to deal with these questions and issues I was having.

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